It can be very hard to sort out how to live a good life in a world that seems to subsidize evil. It can wear you out and choke your hope and if left alone it can turn you into what you hate.
You can't force others to be kind. You can't force circumstance to be preferable. What you or I or anyone can do is influence by improving our own nature to be less destructive, more measured. You can be strong without being violent. Violence may have a place for you in defense, I don't know, but self-violence will only remove the chance to escape this situation. It does take time. It does take work. And these things seem ridiculous and impossible when you're in the thick of such emotions.
Let me ask you something. Can you, for the length of one breath, think of nothing an experience the breath completely? It is hard. I am still learning, but I started late. Maybe you're getting in earlier in your game and have a shot at mastery before my age. It does work and it does return power to yourself to control your own mind and reactions.
I hope you'll try it, but either way, I hope you will find relief and a path to lasting and increasing peace. And if you can't, I hope you'll reach out for the context and support of people who can help.